Mix tapes aren’t completely dead yet, and your Valentine might really enjoy one if you make it right. But if your “legally” burned CD has any of these songs on it, those M&Ms better say something special.

“Invisible” by Clay Aiken
Rating: 5 broken hearts
Tracy: Another “American Idol” One-Hitter Quitter singing about love, but something’s just not right about this son. “If I was invisible //Then I could just//Watch you in your room// If I was invisible//I'd make you mine tonight.” And I don’t think you can make a weird song like this if the world still doesn’t know if you like either boys or girls.
Tessa: This is the epitome of PATHETIC. He wants to be invisible so that he can watch her in her room? This song is everything modern romance should not be: obsessive, “stalkerish,” desperate, whiny, clingy and whatever other word that should NOT be used to describe a relationship.

“Lovers and Friends” by Usher, Ludcaris, & Lil’ Jon
Rating: 4.5 broken hearts
Tracy: This song does great for a while; Usher sings his lil heart out, Luda’s Cosby reference is kinda funny -- then that boy Lil John comes in and ruins everything. Starts dropping F-bombs, yelling his whole verse and “I’s been known ya?” Come on, Crunk Rock.
Tessa: There really isn’t too much to be said about this song. It’s the friends with benefits anthem and the lyrics dip on the crude and explicit side.

“You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt
Rating: 4 broken hearts
Tracy: You can’t tell me you didn’t get SO TIRED of hearing this song every time you went to VH1. This story happens like The Plain White Tee’s Delilah: Girl the Boy didn’t know, Boy loves Girl at first sight, Boy creeps Girl out, Girl left and Boy’s stuck looking crazy.
Tessa: Basically the story in the song is boy makes eye contact with a girl on the subway, falls in love at first sight, she is with another man, and in the end the boy knows he will never see her again but still credits her with changing his life. “And I don't think that I'll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end.” Wow, that must have been a powerful moment of eye contact.

“Every Step You Take” by Sting and the Police
Rating: 3.5 broken hearts
Tracy: You don’t hear people say this too often, but Diddy’s version is better.
Tessa: This is an obvious pick and staple on every list of the worst love songs. Unless you are a stalker-type this song about watching your beloved’s every breath, every move, every step, and every broken bond (whatever that is) is nowhere near romantic.

“It’s Like Romeo and Juliet” by Silk E Fyne
Rating: 3 broken hearts
Tracy: The only way your girl would let you get away with this song is if you dedicated it to her at a middle school party at a skating rink in 1992.
Tessa: This song is about just one thing, and we all know what that is. It deserves to be on the list because it ruins one of the greatest love stories ever. Romeo and Juliet should never be used to get a girl into bed.

“I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd
Rating: 3 broken hearts
Tracy: Tell a girl you wanna sex her up and time how long she laughs.
Tessa: The title pretty much takes care of anything else we could say here.

“Lips of an Angel” by Hinder
Rating: 3 broken hearts
Tracy: Put this song on your V-Day mix tape and you’ll never have a private phone call again. And talk about disrespect.
Tessa: Now we are not dissing the song at all but, hello, he is talking to his ex on the phone and watching his girlfriend sleep in the other room. It’s just flat out wrong.

“Bed” by J. Holiday
Rating: 3 broken hearts
Tracy: You remember the “Saved by the Bell “episode where Zack and Screech got those subliminal message tapes and gave them to Kelly and Lisa to get them to want to date? That’s what J. Holiday’s doing. (You WANT to go to bed, bed, bed; you’d LOVE to go to bed, bed, bed).
Tessa: This song’s overall theme is a sweet thought. But hearing the word “bed” repeated so many times changes the song from a simple request to spend the night with his girl to being adamant about taking her to bed. Talk about a bad attempt at sending a subliminal message.

“As Long As You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys
Rating: 3 broken hearts
Tracy: “I don’t care who you are//what you did//as long as you love me.” Beg some more, girls love a desperate guy. Yeah, I guess you can’t be THAT picky when you’re looking for an AA sponsor.
Tessa: I hate dissing on the Backstreet Boys. After all, I count myself as one of their biggest fans. That said, this song is just really pathetic. Not caring who this person is or where they came from, and more importantly, what they’ve done … talk about being desperate.

“Can I Touch You…There?” by Michael Bolton
Rating: 2.5 broken hearts
Tracy: This song’s on here because it just sounds incredible dirty. There is no way your girl could listen to this with a straight face.
Tessa: This song makes the list because of the manner in which the lyrics can be interpreted. We know Mr. Bolton is asking to be able to touch the deepest parts of his beloved’s heart, but couldn’t there be a better way to phrase that?